Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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