Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
