If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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