you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
