Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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