I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
