I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
