Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
