look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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