He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
