It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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