I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
