i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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