I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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