I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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