So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
