Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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