Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
