Can i not drive my cunt home
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
