I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
