shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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