I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize