I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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