My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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