Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
