i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
