can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
barbara walters just said penis...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
