I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
