my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
