It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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