You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
