How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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