I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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