I accidentally burped into my bong.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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