Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We had sex on a dog bed..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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