just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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