I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
