I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
