ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
