I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
