Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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