I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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