There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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