Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
