Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
