Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
