everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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