He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
