Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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