He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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