Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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