Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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