Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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