talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
