Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
