the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
