I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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