Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize