what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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