dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
