I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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