it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
