I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Acid is not a monday night drug
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize