So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
