hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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