does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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