it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
