My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
