I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize