Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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