I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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