Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
